New Year's Resolutions

I thought I would write about how much I don't like New Year's Resolutions, but for once, maybe I'll be a bit nicer. Recently, it was pointed out to me that I seem to 'not like' things more than most people. So perhaps I'm more discreet about what I formally approve than your average bear, or maybe I really like 'not liking' things. Anyway, I think I gave more than one person too many the wrong idea. (It's okay, I didn't really like them anyway.)

So, in a rare move for goodwill towards men indirectly related to New Year's Resolutions, I've devised the following two lists...

The first list are for those persons or entities who were at one time or another officially declared 'not liked' by yours truly, but have been granted a pardon (in full) from the aforementioned declaration. The recipients include:

• Derek Webb
• Francis A. Schaeffer
• The International House of Pancakes
• The Coca-Cola Company and Its Products
• John McCain
• Rob Bell
• Joel Osteen
• Bill O'Reilly
• Jon and Kate (plus their eight)
• The Army
• Really Long (and Repetitive) Books by John Piper
• The Six-Hour A&E Presentation of Pride & Prejudice (starring Colin Firth)
• Trigonometry
• People Who Speed (to include my beloved wife)
• George W. Bush
• Black Olives
• People Who Have Sent Me Chain Mail in the Past
• The Auburn University Collegiate Football Team
• People Who Disapprove of Me Wearing the Auburn University Collegiate Football Team's Officially Merchandised Ball Cap That I Got For Christmas

The second list are for those persons or entities who were at one time or another officially declared 'not liked' by yours truly, and unfortunately have not been granted pardon at this time. However, all listed entities may reapply at a later date for next year's New Year's Not Liked Pardon List. They include:

• Monopoly and All Licensed Spin-offs and Reprints
• Bethany Dillon
• Rush Limbaugh
• Enya
• 24 (Not the number, the TV Show)
• Ray Vander Laan
• Sarah Palin
• Joe Wurzelbacher
• Nancy Grace
• Wells Fargo
• The TV Show(s) Featuring The Duggars
• Sean Hannity
• Dogs Weighing Less than 20 Lbs. Fully Grown
• People Who Like to Be Loud Outside Late at Night
• Seinfeld (the TV Series)
• Open-Mouthed Chewers
• Imaginary Numbers (which somehow exist yet aren't real)
• l33tspeak and the haX0rs Who Use Them
• The Color Purple
• Door-to-Door Cable Salesmen (and women)
• People Who Keep Sending Me Chain Mail
• Green Olives
• Butternut Squash
• Arachnids
• N'SYNC (even after all these years)
• The Lifetime Movie Network
  
• New Year's Resolutions