Oh, Holy Night

I'm not sure if this has ever happened to you yet: There's a song you've heard many times before, but then one day you hear it recorded or sung in just a way that it brings tears to your eyes, and you can never hear it again in the same way...

Well, this is true for me and the hymn "O, Holy Night." I haven't found a good way to put straight audio in my blog, so you'll have to do with a video.

You can find more about this rendition at the Burnside Writers Collective.

Mockingbird

Have you ever really not liked a certain music group, but had to make an exception for a song or two because it was so good? No?

Okay...well as a rule I don't really like Derek Webb, and I really don't like his off-again/on-again group Caedemon's Call. But there's a song that hasn't left my head for a couple of days, and it's got nowhere to go but out...so what better place for it to go than here?

The music, in particular, isn't that good. I don't think you could call it 'good' music by any standard (unless you use the crappy Christian Rock metric where it's cool to do cover number 22 of "Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord," where each rendition was poppier and more resampled than the last), but the lyrics are downright awesome, and I could probably listen to it two (or maybe, maybe three) times in a row.

On further thought, a lot of the lyrics of his songs are pretty good, and pretty solid in the theological sense. They definitely make me think (read: repent). So, kudos to you, Derek! Keep up the rock (or folk, I suppose)!

There are days I don't believe the words I say
Like a life that I'm not living
A song that I'm not singing but to you

There are times that I believe I'm satisfied
Like an intimate connection
Despite this bad reception with you

Because I can't afford to pay
For most of what I say
So it's a lucky thing
That the truth's public domain

Chorus
And I am like a mockingbird
I've got no new song to sing
And I am like an amplifier
I just tell you what I've heard
Oh, I'm like a mockingbird

And yes, it's true that I need this more than you
Like one whose name is many
Have mercy, please don't send me away

And I'll do all I can
To be a better man
Oh I'll clean up this act
And be worse than we started

Chorus

-Mockingbird, by Derek Webb

Company Car

I've only got eleven days left until Army lets me go...it's absolutely unreal. I will say that sometimes I worry about making the right decision. It's common Army knowledge that getting out at first opportunity isn't exactly the most secure or profitable avenue, nor is it paved with glory and purpose. I had a commander ask me the other day what job I had lined up, and after hearing a reply, he gave a quick chortle and went on to more popular conversation with other persons. It's honestly what I expect, though.

Army, as a community, is very tight and united on its purpose, its goals, its beliefs, values, and norms of conduct. What I'm doing goes against much of that, and the subliminal backlash has been evident in more than one occasion.

But let me not get too far off the point. After reading over Phillipians 2.7-11 this past weekend, I've realized that there is a very good reason for me to go this way. Not that I'm as awesome as Paul, or that I was hit with lightning that drove me to leave Army, but that there's a point to this madness. That there's a very good reason to put all-in on God. It seems that not a lot of people get the opportunity (or take the chance) to do such a thing. Win or lose, succeed or fail, I feel this is one of those things I need to do, and it will bother me until Jesus comes back if I let this go. I kind of liken it to people who want to climb Mt. Everest, or hike the Appalachian Trail in one go--not everybody gets the 'bug,' but if you get it, it's going to stare you in the face until the task is done.

And so, instead of mulling over why I carelessly related abandoning a career to do ministry to climbing Mt. Everest (and the repercussion of grossly inaccurate statements like that), I'm going to post a song that has been running circles around my mind as of late. There's nothing too special about the music itself, but the lyrics are haunting when you dwell on them.

May we never end up like "that guy."

Mike was right when he said I'd put up
A fight to be someone, a fight to be me 
But see now, I'm down 
Under the pavement 
Of Capital hills and lowercase people 
As time rolls by my dreams have become 
That which is attainable 
Not what I'm looking for! 

-Chorus-
I've got the company car 
I'm the one swinging at two below par 
Yeah, I've become one with the ones 
That I've never believed in 
But I've got the company car 

(Hey!) I'm the king of things I've always despised 
I'm the gingerbread man 
Who got eaten alive 
I'm half baked! I'm fake! 
But see I've got hotels on 
Park Place and Boardwalk 
And two hundred bucks 
I pass go but, Oh! Life's taken it's toll 
Have I won Monopoly to forfeit my soul? 

Chorus

All the kings horses 
At the foot of the wall 
They're taking pictures of 
The man who's lost all of his 
Masks of pretension 
He's got two faces left 
His is the one that he hides 
On the left behind that smile 

Hiding tears and fear 
That burn like an engine 
It drives him away 
From the ones that he loves 
Mike was right: 
"Hey Mike! We're one and the same 
We're the faceless combatants
in the loneliest game" 
Ah but say, I'll wave as I'm driving by 
With that smirk in my eye, yelling 
"Hey, I'm something man, check me out!"

Chorus

-Company Car by Switchfoot

From Protest to Praise

I knew the times would come, and now the times have landed
With stinging abrasion...As ready as I seem to be
It's never like I planned it

I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome
Would you give me up? I'm asking Lord
There's no where I sense Your presence here
So I will cry out, until I go
From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're gonna see me to the end

How long will I be forgotten by You, forever?
'Cause you're not making sense here
Seems like eternity has made a home between us

I'm wrestling my thoughts I'm overcome
Would you give me up? I'm asking Lord
There's no where I sense Your presence here
So I will cry out, until I go
From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're gonna see me to the end

You're changing me slow
I just can't help but see it that way
'Cause You're gonna see me...
From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're gonna see me to the end

--"Protest to Praise" by Downhere

This has to be one of the more meaningful songs that I've come to know in my life. I picked it up at one of my first ventures into a Christian bookstore, and by chance, picked up this CD. Although the band and song are somewhat obscure, it's been a staple in how I've come to view many of my struggles and has pulled my thoughts toward God in some of the tougher and darker moments of my life. I'd recommend you check it out on iTunes if you ever get the chance (and have $.99 to spend).

And this comes to mind as I've recently learned a good friend hit some very, very difficult spots in his life. I won't go into the who or what in the blog, but it brings to light something pretty important about the Christian faith that may not get the attention it always deserves. I of course talk about suffering.

In no way do I wish to downplay or trivialize some of the horrors that many of us have faced in this life, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something God wants us to understand in the fire and the thorns. Jesus promises us eternal life, but he also makes a point that suffering will not be a stranger to us if we follow Him, and many of the epistles remind us extensively of it. Do a word search on 'suffer' in the New Testament--I did, and I was surprised. 1 Peter is one of my favorite books, but I never realized how much the word pops up in those short five chapters.

As for my brother, pray that he is not only comforted but emboldened to rejoice in those sufferings, and that God's glory is indeed revealed through this time.

Rain is for Winners

I got troubles, Lord, but not today
'Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

And I have sins, Lord, but not today
'Cause they're gonna wash away
They're gonna wash away

And I have friends, Lord, but not today
'Cause they done washed away
They done washed away

Lord, I've been crying alone
I've been crying alone
No, no more crying alone
no, no more crying here.

We get lonely, Lord, but not today
Cause we're gonna wash away
We're gonna wash away

I got troubles, Lord, but not today
Cause they're gonna wash away
This old river's gonna take them away.

--Lyrics to Joe Purdy's song, "Wash Away (reprise)"

Ah, it's raining. I'm a big fan of the rain. Now, I know not everyone likes rain. It's wet, sometimes it's cold, and sometimes there's way too much of it. But there's something about the drippy-drop sound, and how the puddles make ripples, the feeling of things washing away, and the general softening of light that is incredibly soothing and comforting to me. I don't know how I got it into my head, but every time it rains I think of it as God making a point to say "this is right where I want you." I know, it's pretty self-important to think the rain that falls on thousands of heads is there just to deliver a personal IM from God to me, but that's in my brain anyway.

The stars do declare the glory of God. Perhaps the rain is there to declare it as well. Now, there's not much to celebrate about hurricanes and floods, but rain doesn't always do that. God does want us near to Him, to be reconciled to Him. And He made a way for our betrayals, big and small, to be washed away and be no more in His sight.

So, think about that, will you? Maybe go stand in the rain, just a little bit, or jump in a puddle, or watch it pitter-pat against the windowpane, and remember how far He goes to pursue us.