I've started a resume class today. No, that's not grammatically (or syntactically) correct, but I don't know how to get that accent thing on the 'e' to type it right. Of course, I wasn't too worried when I started, but for some reason, whether it's part of the MASTER PLAN to keep poor souls in Army, or whether the teacher missed his younger days of wearing fatigues, but he made it sound like getting out of Army was a regrettable thing.
Which of course got me to worrying...which is always a bad place for me. Get me to worrying, and I'll turn from Strong Bad to Strong Sad in a New York Minute (think Tigger to Eyore if you miss the reference).
There's tons of things to worry about if you're leaving the folds of Army: Health insurance, dental insurance, job interviews, the economy, getting called back up anyway, the economy, steady income, and I shall not continue (but trust me the list does go on, economy and all).
All this is pretty weird, of course, because believe it or not, I can guarantee you that on day one of my employment, I was thinking "I'm not so sure this is the job for me." It's true, unfortunately. Very rarely did I think otherwise in the nearly four years that has gone by. I spent most of my time thinking about what it'd be like on the outside, hoping that the day would come.
I honestly thought Jesus would have come back before then. (He might, too. God can do anything in 38 days.) But now, with less than two score to go, I'm having doubts. Well, worries is more like it. I really don't think I could turn this ship around now--I've burned too many mental bridges on the way (what business a ship has with travelling over bridges...the world may never know).
Weird.
Matthew 6.25-34. Read it. (Here's a summary: DON'T WORRY.)
In some bout of logic VS God, it seems the safer way isn't always the better way. Keep taking the safe road, and sooner or later, you may find yourself too afraid to open any door you come across. Now, I'm not advocating we should play in traffic here, but we're going to miss something if "safety is our goal" for being Christians.
Reminds me of the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. Lucy, Daughter of Eve, is with the other three humans, who have all just met a Mr. Beaver, who is on the side of Aslan (the lion who plays the part of God). The kids haven't met Aslan yet, and are worried about the stories of this ginormous lion who seems to be on the right side of the battle. Of course, he's a lion, and the mere fact has the kids are a little worried.
Lucy asks: "Is he safe?"
Mr. Beaver: "Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe! But he's good."
The crazy books we read in our youth. Crazy, but correct. God's anything but safe. But He is good.
So, the road may not be very safe ahead--that's for sure. Well, seems like now's a good time as any for me to put a foot out on the water. Or as Army always says, "It's GO time."
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It is funny how many things pile up. Right now I am concerned about how much we are going to pay for the baby delivery and then how to get one of our broken down cars on the road as well as how I am going to pay for next semester's classes. I have never really worried that much, I mean you knew me man. It has only been since I got out of college and even then I was trying to put off responsibility as long as I could. Since Lesley and I got married I have tried to run at responsibility and take it. Never though that we would be on a budget and have our debt paid down as much as we have. But here we are. Wisdom and trust. That's all I have and my great struggle is trusting in God and not in my own abilities. I find that when i get stressed I pray less and become reclusive. But I continue to try and trust.
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